The Glue

This one is dedicated to Larry. I miss you so much it hurts. Happy Birthday...



Tonight was wonderful. Inez and I went down to the park, sat on a bench on the hill and watched all the fireworks go off all around us. It seems as though almost every neighbor I have was battling it out to see who had the best fireworks... I say they all won. There was no one else at the park... It was like it was my own private show. After a while, Inez and I just laid on the grass looking up at nothing but fireworks. I wish that Glenn was here to share that with me... He'll be here for the 1st of July and we can watch them then. I was listening to John Lennon on my play list for most of it. One song in particular, 'Real Love'. I find myself listening to that song a lot lately. When I listen to it, I dream of when I finally get to see him... The Man Named Glenn. I'm sitting here and I can still hear the fireworks... I'm still in the park in my mind. It was like a spark went off and got me going... Gave me that little push... It reminded me of when I was a kid and we would make the drive into Goderich and watch the fireworks down at the lake. Usually the whole neighborhood was there and we would sit on the beach as one big mob.  I really miss those days...

The bike rides I really miss. Jana, Angela and I would always get together and ride our bikes all day to different places in the area... Adventures. They were so much fun... Just us and the road. We would have the odd car or truck drive by us... Most of them we knew. We would explore in the back bush at Angela's... Little girls in a bush with big mature trees... I remember there was this one spot where there were a bunch of Trilliums growing where there was sunlight shining through the trees. We picked a lot of them and brought them back to her mom. I remember that was one of my lessons in life... They are the Ontario flower and it's illegal to pick them... Oops. We would play in the field with all the cows and their bull named Billy. We would play in our barns chasing each other around. We weren't the little girls that were afraid to get dirty. We were the girls that wanted adventure. There was a trail not far from my place, just past Luke's, that was tucked away that only the locals knew about. We used to go down there all the time with our bikes... Hitting the trail and seeing how fast we could go down the hills... Well, one time I was with Jana and we were coming down this one hill that I had been down a thousand times before, but this time it was after a big storm that came in off of Lake Huron, and there was a big tree down across the trail just after a bend. Well, I went down and at the bend I hit it at what felt 100 kms/ hr. I remember flying head over heals over the handlebars. I had never felt pain like I did then, but the only thing I could do was laugh. Jana and I were both laughing so hard we thought that we would never stop. As long as I live, I will never forget that.

I miss our old snowmobile gang. I think that's something that I miss the most. Winters in Goderich can be pretty brutal... You have all the snow coming off of the lake and that's when we would get excited. Most people would complain about how bad the driving was and how they had to shovel their driveway.. Not us. The first thing we would do is get on the sleds and go. We would always end up at Larry's... That house was the heart of it all. It was my home away from home... I probably slept there as much as I did at my own home. I loved that house... Still do. As soon as you would walk in you could feel the love. Most of my best memories where there... Up in the 'Big Room' . The 'Big Room' was the huge bonus room they had above the garage that had a T.V, Piano, Play House, Barbie House, Recoding equipment, and a Bar. That was the room where all of our plays were held (Just us kids being kids), to our little music concerts where we would sing anything from Elvis to Whitney Houston's "I'll Always Love You".  Some of my best memories where in that room. I remember the infamous Monopoly Game and I always will... One of the most embarrassing moments of my life turned out to be the one I laugh the most about. Stephanie and I always laugh about it when we have our visits. It's funny... You never appreciate those moments when you have them. Not until they are gone. I wish that I could go back and re-live most of those memories... To go back and see the ones that you miss so much. Today is his birthday....

I miss Larry. I miss him a lot. I miss my baseball coach, I miss my music teacher, I miss my best friend, I miss my Dragonfly. I have had to say the last Good Bye to a few people in my life and I miss them all... There is only one I can not let go of. Larry. I can't let him go. This year marks the 10 year anniversary of his death. I haven't been the same since. A huge part of me died with him. I have always been very musical, ever since I was a little girl... But it hurts too much. It's something that I love dearly, but it's just not the same anymore. I'll never forget the day... The day he left us. That day I just didn't feel right. I felt sick to my stomach and I just wanted to cry and I didn't know why. 911 was the day before and I thought it was because of that... I went to work right from school and tried to get it out of my head... The feeling that something was wrong. It was 10:00 p.m when the phone rang. When it rang, my heart sank and my chest got heavy... I knew... I knew it right then and there that I was right. Krista came out and told me to go home. I told her no. I told her I would stay and help finish the close. I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to hear what I was going to hear. I stayed until she finally pushed me out the door. It was 10:42 p.m. and my brother was waiting there for me at the bottom of the steps. I remember just the look in his swollen eyes... and all I can remember is screaming No! No! NO! He's not gone... Don't you dare tell me he's gone. NO! Cody just looked at me and said "He's gone". I just remember falling to the floor and curling up in a ball and sobbing. At the funeral everyone was crying... At the same time everyone was smiling. We all knew that L.J wouldn't want us to be sad. He wouldn't want us to cry... But you couldn't help it... I have never seen so many people at a funeral before. People were lined up outside... That's how many people loved him. That's how many people he touched. The get-together afterwards was about the celebration of someone as beautiful as Larry... That was one of the last times we would all see each other for almost 7 years. It was as if he was the glue that kept us all together. I still cry... I cry because I miss him. I'm angry. I'm angry that he was taken from us. I am angry because he was way too young. I am angry because I never wanted to say goodbye and had to. One day, I won't be angry. One day, I will laugh, instead of crying. Happy Birthday Larry.

As I lay there under the fireworks, I smile and remember that even though you're alone now, you won't be... Not for very much longer.

My Trail

Well, it's been over a week since my last blog... Things are great and I'm staying positive. I'm done with letting life get me down. I realized that there are so many wonderful little things in life that can make you feel fulfilled. Inez and I have been walking a lot and we just started using my bike. Today was our first day out with it and I have to say, Inez really impressed me. My bike has just been sitting in the office with two flat tires since March... I have been staring at it for almost 3 months... When I'm depressed, I don't feel like doing anything... You really loose yourself after a while.

Three years ago, 'Old Ashlea' would have been out on the trails, driving around all of Southern Ontario looking for interesting places like Rattle Snake Point and going to new cities that I had never been to before. I was a girl on the go. A girl with a million dreams that she thought no one could crush. There are a few trails here in Cambridge that are my favorite. Not because they are close and you can save money by staying in town, but because they are charming... They have character. My favorite is the trail that connects Preston to Hespeler Village. There are tree stumps that people have carved into seats... Trees arch over the trail creating the most perfect picture... The river runs right along side it... There is the cutest little house that is on an island with a big blue moose in the back yard... You see deer in the meadow almost every time... There are a million reasons why this is my favorite trail. I have not been on this trail this year... Not yet.

Money is tight and there isn't as much to do, but Inez and I always seem to be able to find something to do in our neighborhood. There is a park near by, just down the street actually, where we go and sit by the stream watching the ducks and Canada geese float on by. Last night we went to the other side of the park into downtown Gault and ran up the stairs that lead you to one of the best lookout spots in all of Cambridge. We sat at the top and just looked down at one of my favorite parts of West Gault... Yesterday was a good day... We went for a drive just like the "Old Ashlea' would have done. We went down to Preston to Riverside Park... It was pretty busy there but Inez had a blast. There were a lot of little children around for her to interact with... They love her, and she loves them. A win win for both sides. We walked to the big arched bridge over the river and we just watched the current rush over the rocks below. Inez likes our walks, I love our walks... A win win.

Today it was supposed to rain, but much to our surprise, it was sunny and beautiful. We went for our walk around the neighborhood and then we went to Canadian Tire and used a gift card that a customer sent into me with his thank you card. We bought a bike pump. It was the exact price that my gift card was so all I had to pay for was the tax. A pump to fill those flat tires... Those flat tires attached to my bike that I have been looking at for the last 3 months. My poor bike. It has been locked away for almost 2 1/2 years. Marek didn't like to bike, I think because he didn't know how to. I love to bike... The "Old Ashlea' loved to bike. The "New-Old Ashlea' loves to bike. I couldn't get the air in the tires fast enough... Inez was looking at me as if I was a crazy person. The excitement was coursing through my veins and the adrenaline was flowing! Inez and I took a test drive down the hallway of our building and she was great. It was a struggle to get it up the stairs with her attached to my waist. A man went rushing down the stairs looking at me as he let the door close behind him... "Thank you very much" I just kind of muttered to myself. We made it... We made it out the door without any cuts or scrapes from the foot pedals. At this point I'm thinking to myself, "This could be a lot of fun, or this could be the bike ride from hell". I got my tunes all set up before we took off and I just kind of cleared my head, look at Inez and said "Please don't kill us"... With that, she just smiled at me. We took off out the drive way and onto the side walk where neither one of us could get his by a car. It was like we had done it a million times before... She loved it and I loved it... A win win

Mulburry Inez

Today the sun was shining, big beautiful white fluffy clouds up in the sky and the birds were singing. Inez and I were all ready to go... Running shoes- Check..... Poop bags- Check.... Music.... Music.... Hey! My phone was dead and I didn't have my play list and now I really wasn't looking forward to our walk. On any other day I would start off by playing song #1- The Sword by Slash, but today I couldn't. Normally, that song would set the pace for my walk/jog and get me all revved up as I walk down the hallway to go outside. As I walk under the limbs of the huge maple tree is where I would hear the beginning to Slash's solo. That strong raw sound drives Inez and I into a strong walking pace... I never stop to look anything, we just go. Today I had no music to drive me so I was at my normal pace and instead of taking off just under the huge maple, I stopped to see the leaf buds getting ready to open up... Soon my big beautiful maple tree will be covered in leaves. Suddenly I'm not missing the music quite as much. We carry on our way down the big hill where song #2 I Need A Doctor by Dr. Dre always starts... Instead of taking off down the hill, we just took our time getting to the bottom. There were children playing on the sidewalk, fighting over who pushed who... Brother's and sister's just doing their thing. I started thinking back to when Cody and I were kids... The Epic Battles we would have. I feel terrible at times when I think back, but sometimes it just makes you laugh. I found myself smiling as I passed the fighting children and we carried on our way to the bottom of the hill where we connect to the trail that leads through the park. The trail is where song #3 begins... Aerials by System of a Down. Instead of paying attention the the stream that runs beside the trail, I normally jog through and over the little bridge that takes you to the other side. Not today. Today we watched the stream rush over the rocks... Ducks floating by just catching the current. Inez was smelling all around with what looked to be a big smile on that lovely little face of hers. She sat and watched the ducks with me and when we crossed the bridge we stopped in the middle and watched the rushing stream go underneath us. Song #4 usually starts here... B.Y.O.B by System of a Down. Inez and I normally cruise through the other side of the park, through the tunnel and over the bridge to the lovely garden area the city always plants around this time of the year. Today we just took our time watching the kids play on the jungle gym when a little girl noticed Inez. She came running over like a bat out of hell with her Dad right behind her. I stopped and so did Inez. Inez is great with kids... I'm really proud of her. The little girl asked if she could pet Inez, but her dad was a little worried. Inez is a big dog, and she was very little. I can understand how he was feeling... He doesn't know Inez and if she's friendly or not. I told the little girl that it was o.k only if it was o.k with her daddy. She didn't listen and just started petting Inez. Inez returned the favor with a big kiss across her cheek and she giggled. We continued on to where song #5 would always start... Lonely by System of a Down. We're through the old limestone tunnel now walking under the huge willow trees. Weeping Willows... They're my favorite... We sat on a big rock underneath one of my willows and watched squirrels run from limb to limb, over the stream to another tree and back to another. Inez was standing on the edge of the stream just inching her way closer... She loves the water. I can't understand it... They tried to drown her in the middle of a lake in Alabama and yet, she still loves the water.
 This is where my memory takes me back to the first day I saw Inez. I was at the GRC (Greyhound Rescue Canada) volunteering and walking the hounds. I knew that there was a 98% chance that I was coming home with one that day, but I still wasn't sure. I had one picked out. Her name was Penny. Penny was a Faun Greyhound and she was beautiful. A day before I went there I looked at the website and saw that she had been adopted. I was devastated... I wanted her so bad. She was the first dog that I saw when I went into the kennel. She was small, sad and broken. I felt for her but I knew she was going to a good home. I took a look around and that's when I saw Inez. All the other dogs were crying because they knew some of them would be walked and others wouldn't get the chance. Inez was just sitting there looking at me with this huge smile on her face... She knew and with that I knew. I had been separated from Marek about two weeks at this time, and I needed her just as much as she needed me. I wanted to walk all of the dogs, but there was a good turn out that day so everyone just got one. I chose her, or I should say she chose me.  When they let her out of her cage, she came right up to me jumping up trying to kiss me. Normally, I am not a fan of that... but this time it was much different. She never left my side from that moment on. All the volunteers were just shocked at how comfortable she was with me right off the bat. These dogs are abused and broken. They are skinny, scared and hungry. Every hound there had their tail between their legs and their eyes to the ground. Not Inez. Her head was high, her tail was wagging and her eyes were bright. We sat there for a while before the walk and got to know one another. She would lean into me giving me what they call a Greyhound Hug. I remember at one point I was down on my knee and I said to her "Would you like to come home with me today?" and she turned around and gave me a big kiss. We have been a team ever since.
I realized today that we have grown. We have been to hell and back but we still keep going. We still have that drive to be happy. We're walking towards our trial again, this is where song #6 always starts... Question by System of a Down. This is the song that pushes us up both hills without slowing down. Today we just took our time. Today was a day that we 'stopped to smell the roses' and it felt great. We passed the same fighting children and I still smiled and we continued up the hill. The walk always ends with Suite-pee by System of a Down or Only Girl in the World by Rhianna (depending on how I feel) but today it ended with Inez and I enjoying the spring sunset. Today... Today was a good day.